when someone close dies, something of us dies and too is born over. a parent dies, the child must forge their way through a re-entry bardo, back into this world, a world without their parent's physical form present. and in this birthing of a new
understanding of self , the other self dies. so culturally, we only talk about loss as loss. to speak of loss as anything of a gain veers along taboo. i've been questioning this taboo. penetrating it. and as i continue to work through (meaning live with, move with, be a body with) the shock that my mom is no longer here in physical form, i am forced to forge a new relationship with her beyond physical form, that is, if we are to stay in touch. and so i do it. and in so doing, i find she/i/we are wiser as we grow and talk. part of that is her ability to now see me more so beyond the cultural scripts that once cloistered and confused everything. we were already tearing that all down in her last days.. and so it is a continuation of freeing the relationship. and there is the gain of how i have been liberated by this individually, as i forge my way as the one still living. i'm working from that paradox in this iteration of my collaboration with Yann and Johanna. from the paradox of this body and heart, which knows loss, grief, gain, and liberation at once.
photos by Johanna Breiding from 2015 performance installation at The Armory, Pasadena CA.
[image: Inline image 1] [image: Inline image 2]